Most of you reading this will barely need to read any more. There are very few single models that will make a xenos player face-palm the minuet they enter the deployment zone. What with blogging being 99% hatred and 1% useful info I thought I might swing in favour of the majority for my first contribution and beat down on a vehicle that even Jeremy Clarkson couldn’t make me like.
The space marine Landraider.
It is completely un-called for. Why do you need an armour 14 all round brick that can shart out terminators straight into assault and blow the snot out of any other one of my units with an armoury so large it makes the US marine corps look like a scout group with a single slingshot between them. On top of that you can bolt on a bloody storm bolter – why! Is it not doing enough! Did they test it and think, “Wow this really is lacking something…” What am I supposed to do to that?
Yes I can get an armour 14 vehicle for 95 points in my codex… with nothing on it! I can’t fire a peashooter from my battlewagon without shelling out points – and its only A14 on front, how big is the front? About the width of my thumb. My answer to the landraider and you couldn’t even hit the one bit of it that has decent protection if you tried, kick it in the arse however and it falls apart immediately. Armour 10 baby – well thank you very zogging much.
The sad thing is that I haven’t even faced one in battle. But my green gods I am dreading it. Not because it will drive over the only models in my army capable of felling it as though they were tyre-tracked squirrels squashed against the M6 but because I know that the player decimating me with it will actually feel a sense of achievement. He will look up from the table with that wry smile of a commander who has just outclassed his opponent as though there was some merit in what he has done.
“OMG I cant believe you just managed to take down my one anti armour unit, which could only have glanced you anyway, with your great bastard tank all the while surviving the two rockets that do come your way each turn courteously of my BALISTIC SKILL 2 orks. The talent. It is unbearable.”
Perhaps you wonder why I single out the LR and not, say, the Necron Monolith. Frankly it is because the image of the Monolith hasn’t been permanently burned onto my retina in quite the same way. I don’t mean to say I see nothing but land raiders at my club but is it just me or is white dwarf just a 42 page spread of landraiders these days? Find me an issue without a land raider and I will find you five landraiders in that issue. Minimum. Its like paying four quid to see a magazine consisting entirely of your future rapists face – and then giving stats and tactics the rapist might use to best rape you, followed by a breakdown of some new Apocalypse formation of rapists with special rules that mean they get more dicks TO RAPE YOU WITH!
Still it could be worse. It could be a space wolf.
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